Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I smell like Dick and happiness
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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