so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
