He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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