The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
