I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
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