I accidentally had phone sex last night
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
