the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
