just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
