if i died would you start the facebook group?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
