question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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