He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
