Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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