Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
