No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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