The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
How's work?
Spinning.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
