Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
