Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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