Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
People in love make me want to vomit
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
