I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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