he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
