'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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