drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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