i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
