her vagina looked like bernie madoff
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
