I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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