my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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