First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
