You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
