Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
