so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
