For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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