My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I am one with the molecules
I need to calm my uterus...
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
