All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
