sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
