it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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