she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
