The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
