Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
