I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
