you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
