he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
