So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
