I wanna bring you to show and tell
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
