You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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