Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
are you so shy because you have an std?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
