Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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