afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
