I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
