DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
