My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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