one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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