Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
