Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I wanna passion pit in your ass
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I wish they made helmets for livers.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
3 2 1 whiskey
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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